 No. 54 April- June 1998 |
Wicked!
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Chaos
Former Armed Forces commander Feisal Tanjung was invited to a banquet with prominent professionals in Jakarta. He was representing the professionals in Abri. After the ceremony, the guests went into the garden and Feisal, with a piece of cake in his hand, approached a doctor and an engineer who were each talking up their own profession. 'The doctor's profession is the oldest in the world', said the doctor. 'God was a surgeon when he took a rib from Adam's side and created Eve.' 'Wait a moment', the engineer cut in. 'Before God created Adam and Eve he had to deal with the chaos and confusion that reigned over the surface of the earth. His work for six days was really that of an engineer.' At this point Feisal lost his patience. 'You're both wrong',
he said. 'Who do you think created the chaos and confusion? Abri
of course!' During a meeting of Asean parliamentarians, an Indonesian parliamentarian belonging to the Abri fraction stood up to introduce himself. 'I was born a member of Abri. I have lived all my life a member of Abri. And I hope to die a member of Abri'. From among the Singaporean delegation someone was heard to
remark in astonishment: 'How is it possible to be a politician
with so little ambition?' A prominent Jakarta daily carried the front page headline: '50% of senior officials are corrupt criminals'. Of course that afternoon the editor was called in by the Information Department and by Abri Headquarters in Cilangkap. He was scolded and asked to rectify the news immediately. Otherwise his publishing licence would be revoked. The next day the newspaper carried its correction. It read:
'Our headline yesterday that "50% of senior officials are corrupt
criminals" contained an unfortunate misprint. It should have said
"50% of senior officials are not corrupt criminals". We hereby
trust that yesterday's headline has been corrected'. A stern sergeant was brought in to a primary school in Lospalos, East Timor, as a relief teacher. This time he edified the grade 3 class about the revolutionary struggle of the Republic of Indonesia against the Dutch in 1945. Afterwards, in order to test how well they had learned the lesson, he asked in a big voice: 'So tell me, who pulled down the red-white-and-blue flag on the Orange Hotel in Surabaya?'. In fear and trembling the students replied as if with one
voice: 'Not us, sir!'. The taipan Liem Sioe Liong was interviewed by a big private television station about his huge business empire. The interviewer asked him to tell the story of Indofood. Uncle Liem replied: 'That started during the revolutionary war long ago. Our soldiers were short of food and I had the idea to set up a cheap food factory'. 'Who owns the shares, sir?', the journalist asked. Uncle Liem nodded: 'As it happens I own them all'. The journo then went on: 'What about Indocement?' 'Oh that one, I own all those shares myself.' Still not satisfied, the journalist asked: 'What about Indomobil?' 'I own them all.' At last the journalist asked: 'And what about Indonesia?'
Uncle Liem replied quickly: 'In that one I went fifty-fifty with
Mr Suharto'. Goro-goro.
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