no. 53 January-
March 1998		   Wicked!

Heard any good jokes lately? Here's some ...
  Prabowo becomes a spy

Three young soldiers applied to join the military intelligence service BIA. Each took turns in an oral exam. Since it doesn't take much nouse to join the intelligence in Indonesia, the questions were kept simple, not long-winded, just on basic general knowledge. But seeing that the examiner happened to be Javanese and liked the shadow puppet theatre, his questions that day all had to do with wayang stories.

First up was Abu, a former member of the pro-government youth organisation KNPI, from Madura. The examiner asked him: 'Who kidnapped Shinta?'. Abu answered: 'Rahwana'. Abu passed, and became a spy.

Second in line was Bustanul, former member of the pro-army youth organisation FKPPI, from Sawahlunto in Sumatra. The examiner asked: 'Who was the younger brother of Rama who joined him in the forest?'. Bustanul thought for a moment and silently cursed this Java-centric question. But he answered: 'Laksmana'. Bustanul also passed, and became a spy.

Third was Prabowo, former member of Pancasila Youth, from who knows where. The examiner asked him: 'Who fought a duel and eventually killed the giant Rahwana?'. Prabowo was silent, gave no answer, though he kept on smiling. For ten minutes. At last the examiner lost patience and said: 'You can go home now, and come back tomorrow with your answer!'.

Prabowo left, still smiling. At home his father asked him how the exam had gone, and why he was smiling all the time. Prabowo said: 'Fantastic, dad! I've even been told to investigate a case of brawling'.

Goro-Goro 2 September 1997.

Even the mummies know Suharto

Three archaeologists, one each from America, England and Indonesia, got lost in a tunnel under one of the Egyptian pyramids. Suddenly a mummy, thousands of years old, rose up and approached the three archaeologists, who turned deathly pale.

'Hail, humans. Who are you and where are you from?', asked the mummy in a booming voice.

'My name is Michael, Lord Mummy. I am from the United States of America, the world superpower', said the American archaeologist, throwing out his chest.

'Huh.... America? I do not know your country. And where do you come from?', the mummy asked the other pale-skinned archaeologist.

'I am from England, Lord Mummy. My name is Charles', replied the English archaeologist.

'England, where is that?', asked the mummy.

'England once had the greatest empire in the world', said the Englishman proudly.

'I am sorry, I do not know your people. Hey you, the short one with the almond eyes! Where are you from?', asked the mummy.

'Lord Mummy, my name is Sugeng from Indonesia', replied the Indonesian archaeologist.

'Ahaa! So you're from Indonesia', said the mummy and he motioned to the Indonesian archaeologist to come closer. 'Tell me, is Suharto still the King of Java?'.

Goro-Goro 16 September 1997.

What succession?

Why does Suharto seem so relaxed about his own succession, when everyone else is in a tiz about it? Word has it the old man has bought a piece of land out of the family fortune - in Jerusalem. To be precise, at Golgotha, where Jesus was crucified. He has left instructions that when his time comes his corpse is to be flown to Jerusalem for immediate burial there. Why so far from home? To escape an ungrateful population? On the contrary. So that after three days he can rise again and return to Jakarta to continue as president.

Jakarta taxi driver.

Judgment day

Malaysia's prime minister, the Chinese president and the Indonesian president were called to heaven for a short briefing. They came quickly and God told them the judgment day would occur next Friday. Each head of state was asked to convey this information to their people so they could be ready. How? - that was up to them.

The Malaysian prime minister returned to Kuala Lumpur and spoke on national television: 'Ladies and gentlemen, I have two items of news, one is bad, the other good. The bad news is that the world will end next Friday. The good news is that God exists and he is most compassionate'.

The Chinese president returned to Beijing and said on state television: 'Comrades, I come with two pieces of news, both bad. First, the world will end next week. Second, God exists'.

The Indonesian president returned to Jakarta and summoned a state television crew to come and record this speech: 'Assalamu'alaikum. Brother citizens, as the mandated leader of the Indonesian people I have been given the responsibility to convey some news to you all. There are two items, and Alhamdullilah they are both good. The first good news is that God exists, providing security and order for the cosmos. The second good news is that as from next Friday there will be no more poor people in Indonesia'.

Goro-Goro 27 August 1997.